He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
