airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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