Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
