Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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