I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
