there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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