He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
