Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
