I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
