Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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