Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
