Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
