he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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