Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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