can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
