Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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