why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
