I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
