How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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