Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
