Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
