Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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