i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
