captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
