I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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