You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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