i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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