Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
