i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
