so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
