btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
