how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
