We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
