somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
