yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
