It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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