she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I won't apologize to a one balled man
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
