Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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