Who did Billy Mays play for?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
