the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
