My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
