i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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