so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
