i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
