I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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