What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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