I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
