Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
