i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
