I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All the doctor said was why
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