He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
