is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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